Twelve Days
by healingMyself
Summary: "Your love was too perfect for this world. Some god up there got jealous and took him away from you. You loved him, and it was enough." I never fully believed my mother when she said that. Perfection and jealous gods were things of myth, like vampire and warlocks. When someone is dead, they stay dead. No matter how much I wanted them to come back. Right?


**~Day 1: His Memory Came Upon Me and I Couldn't Fight It Off~**

I bounced the child upon my knee. She had golden curls, and green eyes. She was smiling and clapping her hands, listening to song I was singing to her.

_Oh my lover, don't you cry, _

_I shall never tell you goodbye. _

_There isn't anything that I could do, _

_But for you I told some tales untrue_

"This song is sad, but I like it," the child said when I had decided to cut it off. I smiled.

"Yes, me too. I am glad you like it as well, Ellie," I said.

Ellie rested her head on my chest. It was almost her bedtime and her parents wouldn't be home until the sunrise. They hadn't been home all week, as per arrangement. Ellie's parent's left home during the week, traveling the world on important political duties. I was the nanny. I fed her, bathed her, loved her and raised her. They simply paid me to do so.

"C'mon Ellie, it's time for bed. You have to be well rested for Mommy and Daddy tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Why, what, darling?"

"Why can't you be there too?"

I had trouble answering questions like that. I had been Ellie's nanny since the moment she turned two years old. She was almost six now. It was time to start school and take the bus (or the "dus" as Ellie affectionately called it). She had grown used to me. She couldn't understand why I left for the weekends. I was her structure and routine. Her parents spoiled her rotten.

I was very grateful for the opportunity to work with Ellie. Her parents had been the only people to offer a job despite a horribly scarred right leg. I had always wanted to work with children. I had been studying to be a teacher when the incident happened. But afterwards, the weakness in my leg and a head devoid of hair had made life a little bit harder than I was used to. After I gave up on teaching jobs in the area, I turned to being a nanny. A friend of mine who worked for Ellie's parents tipped me off that there was a wealthy couple seeking a live in nanny. I sent them an email with a resume. They responded promptly. For two people who seemed to deal only with politics, they did not mince their words. They wanted me to raise their child until she was able to take care of herself. They wanted her to be upstanding and correct (their words). She was a daughter of money, and I was to give the manner and discipline. I had the horrible impression that Ellie was an unplanned pregnancy, and that I was the only one who was willing to cater to that dynamic. I was desperate. I was into debt over my head. A surgery and three years of college to pay off, with absolutely no work experience. No one trusted me. In exchange for giving Ellie a proper childhood, Ellie's parents had given me a heightened pay until I payed things off. And, when Ellie reached third grade, I would be given glowing references.

For a long time, I felt extremely guilty. I was to be Ellie's mother/friend and then I would disappear. At first, I wanted to avoid pain by keeping things as professional as possible (as much as one can do that with a child). I didn't want to fall in love. But Ellie...she was an angelic child. She ate well, slept well and was learning incredibly quickly. Ellie's curiosity for the world was voracious and it my job to spend all of my time with her. I had the opportunity to provide her with a stable emotional base, to be there for her when she cried and celebrate her accomplishments. It wasn't long before I became fiercely protective and proud. Ellie was the child I always dreamed of having. But, as life always did, it delivered a coin with two faces.

"Mommy and Daddy are taking you to California for the weekend. I think they were talking about Disney, isn't that fun?"

Ellie's eyes lit up in joy. We had been watching some Disney movies in the past couple of weeks. Her favorites were Cinderella and Winnie The Pooh.

"Is Pooh-Bear gonna be there?"

"You betcha! And Piglet too!"

I carried her upstairs, and tucked her into bed.

"Make me a mummy, Izzy" Ellie exclaimed, albeit sleepily. I tucked the blankets in under her as far the fabric would allow.

"Is there anything you need from me, Ellie?"

The routine was that I asked Ellie what she needed, and she always asked for a long hug.

"Sing me the song more," Ellie rubbed her eyes and yawned. I sat beside her, startled slightly by that request.

"The one from down stairs?"

"Yes!"

_Oh my lover, don't you cry,_

_I shall never tell you goodbye._

_There isn't anything that I could do,_

_But for you I told some tales untrue_

_There only was the golden sun, _

_Golden because the day was done. _

_Oh my lover, don't you cry. _

_Our love will never die. _

_When the gods decide, _

_We shall meet again up high_

_Oh my lover, don't you cry, _

_Your love I shall never deny. _

_But for now, we must part, _

_I wish you passage following your heart. _

_Oh my lover, don't you cry. _

_I shall never tell you good bye. _

_There only was the golden sun, _

_Golden because the day was done. _

Ellie's soft snores covered the room in the softness of sleep. My back pocket buzzed. Her parents would be home early tonight, and asked that I went home. Ellie propped open one eye to watch me leave. I smiled at her.

"Be safe, Izzy. See you Monday," Ellie whispered.

My keys shook in my hand as I struggled to open the front door to my apartment. Be safe. Be safe. Be safe. It was such a benign saying, one that people used to convey their caring for another person's well being. I forced in the key, and I burst into tears.  
_It has been four years now, suck it up_, I thought. The tears wouldn't stop, nor would all of the memories of the tiny notes he would leave me. He would tell me to have a great day. How wonderful he felt that was able to spend time with me. He would recount small wonderful details, something that would get my day started. Each little note would end with: _Be safe, Love._  
It had been four years, but it still felt like yesterday. Back then, I hadn't paid attention to the notes. No more attention than they seemed to beg, at least. But now... I scolded myself everyday for tossing them in the trash. Such a small gesture. Something that could have been so easily replaced by flinging it onto a surface. Any surface.

The only note that survived was one that just as painful to keep as it was to throw out. It read:_ Tomorrow is going to be amazing. Be safe, Love._

We had been on our way to the airport. We had saved up and were going for a weekend into Victoria, Canada. I remember so clearly his excitement about seeing a place that was new to him. He had wanted to have a tea service at some hotel, and then go out on a boat. He had wanted to visit the museum in town. Just as the taxi had picked Edward, a student driver T-boned us in an intersection. Edward was closest to the impact on the right side. I was thrown slightly to the side, half of my body pressed into a side door. The impact was so great that the car had rolled over into a grassy field near by.

By the time I woke up from surgery, there was a doctor at my side. A doctor with news that would rip my heart in two. I remember so clearly staring into oddly golden eyes as his lips moved slowly. He's dead, the doc said. He's dead. He had survived, just like me. Spent some time in a coma, just like me. I woke up and was operated on to save my left leg. Edward did not wake up.

I didn't trust anyone with golden eyes anymore. What kind of doctor wears contacts?

Be safe. Be safe. Be safe.

It hurt so much to lose him.

He had told me that on the conclusion to our first date. He had been the popular boy at high school. He was handsome, charismatic and had a witty sense of humor. I used to joke that he was a reincarnated British comedy show panelist. I asked him out, on a whim. It was junior year, and I had gotten a fortune cookie that told me to seek that which I may love one day. Then, me and my clumsy ass walked straight into what felt like a pole back then. Go out with me tonight? I had blurted out. I am sure that it was a surprised yes, but later he was telling me that he had his eye out for me since freshman year. Yeah, right.

We had gone out for pasta on that date. We drove separate cars. As he led me back to mine, he leaned down to me and whispered that simple phrase in my ear. From then on, even if I wasn't safe, I felt safer because I could hear the echo of his voice in my head.

Be safe. Be safe, my love. Be safe, B. Be safe, Isabella.

Be safe, Izzy.

I ambled over to the beat up sofa in the living room. Ellie reminded me so much of Edward. It was by some fluke of the universe that God (or whatever governed it all) had sent me a child in Edward's likeness. It was almost...cruel. It was also lovely. Edward had made it clear that he wanted children one day. We just hadn't been anywhere near having children. He had been preparing to go to medical school. I was finishing up a degree in pedagogy. We kind of had it all. It was perfect.

The tears were clearing up, but the memories were too sweet to let go.

He had been perfect to me. I had been perfect for him. He had saved me from the darkest parts of myself. And I had helped him gain the confidence to pursue the dreams. It was bittersweet to remember how much he had wanted to travel. How he wanted to see Europe with me, and take me to Italy (as his parents had him). Of course, now there are still moments that

_There only was the golden sun,_

_Golden because the day was done._

_What becomes of a lovers tale, _

_When the gods above compare, _

_A love so great to their histories, _

_That mortal jealousy becomes their need._

My mother still looked at me with eyes of pity. At Edward's funeral, she had said something to me that took me by complete surprise, and something that I think will stay with me for the rest of my life. You two were too perfect for this world, some god decided that your life was better than their immortality. And that is why they took him away from you, Bella.

Well what use is memory if I could not remember him?

And maybe tonight, was a night to think of him. I gathered my jacket and keys, and headed out to our favorite restaurant for a late snack.

Yes, that would make me happy.

**A/n: And so concludes Day 1. **

**This is my first thing on this website :) I hope you like it. **

**...**


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